Blimey, I've not dogblogged for nearly 3 weeks !

What has been happening with you lovely people over the last couple of weeks ?
(ooooo, look at me engaging with my audience !).

After the excitement of AS & UD's lounge shinanigans, things have settled down again. I like routine. It makes me feel safe.
Mummy's new work routine is nice. Not that it makes much difference to me when she is in or out. If she is working from home, I curl up on the settee and have a dog-nap. And as soon as she leaves the house for work, I curl up on the settee and have a little dog-nap. So long as she is home nice and early so I can pop round to say Hello and check up on AS & UD.
UD bought me a lovely new rug for me to wipe my little feet on when I go in and out of the house. Nice idea UD, but you know I'm just going to jump straight over it! Mummy does the same thing, and you can still see my pawprints all over the kitchen floor ! ha ha ha, I'm a dog, its what I do !

I moved in with AS & UD last weekend, which was cool. Mummy muttered something about 'seeing me in a few days', and drove off. Hurrrumphhhhh. I'd just settled down on the settee for a little dog-nap, when AS/UD came to get me, my food bowl, my water bowl, my lead , and my bed !! Yippeeeee, that means a sleep-over. Fantastic !
I'd just settled down on AS & UD's settee . . . . .when it started snowing outside. UD said "Nice timing, getting out of snow walks". I think he must have been talking to someone else, because there's no way I'm going without a walk just because it snowed ! I love the snow, and just don't care if my little belly and legs get cold and wet ! Its great fun. And its easier to find the places all the other doggies have peed in, you just look for yellow snow.
So AS & UD had to come with me for a couple of cold and snowy walks. I think they enjoy it though, because they happily tag along a couple of times a day.
They went out on Saturday evening, so I stayed in to guard their house for them. I must have fallen asleep (unusual )because they didn't seem to be out for long. And when they came back, I smelt lamb bones ! Uncle Les had given them a bag of lamb bones for me, but AS said I had to wait til Mummy came home to have them. Not fair !
I think its because last time I ate one my butt exploded !

By Sunday morning most of the snow had gone, so not so cold or wet. UD went out to the rugby in the afternoon, and I stayed to keep an eye on AS. I must have fallen asleep, because UD seemed to come back quite soon. And he had Mr B with him ! I gave them a really good welcome, man to man .. . well dog to man !
A short while later AS said 'lets go home', and so we popped back to my house. Mummy was there ! Hello Mummy !! She said she'd been back for a while, but of course I was busy watching AS. So I said a quick hello to her, and took her for a walk. Then I popped back next door to see AS & UD again (Mummy wasn't cooking, but AS was !!).
Once I got a bit tired, I went back to see Mum, and she let me have a small bit of the lamb. Whoop whoop. And with that full belly, I went to bed.

On Monday evening, Mummy shouted 'Jack, car'. I love love love the car, and got really excited and jumped about like a puppy. We drove to Mummy's office, and I went inside and ran up the stairs. Claire was there. Mummy said she had been looking forward to meeting me for ages. We got back in the car, and drove to a totally new place I'd never been too. I think it might have been Claire's house, because she made us Spaghetti Carbonara, which was scrummy ! I just had the meat, and a bit of the cream ! I settled down on Claire's settee until Mummy said it was time to go home. Then we drove home, and I went to see AS & UD !
Well, its rude not to check on them every day !

Mummy says that tomorrow my 'Grandad Keith' is coming to see us. That will be lovely, as I haven't seen him for ages. I hope he's forgiven me for peeing in his bathroom ! Whooops

Chapter 6 - a new home . .. again

Ah, this time the new home was far less traumatic, well for my anyway.
I'd been living with Mummy and Daddy for a couple of years by this time, and loved my home and the garden, and where I took them for their walks.
Then one day, they started packing all their belongings up, and told me we'd be moving to Bristol . . wherever that was.
In May 2008, we all jumped into the car and drove to 'Bristol'. Mummy told me we were going to see our new house. How exciting! The journey didn't seem too long, and my car sickness was well under control. We parked outside a lovely little house and all went inside. I ran through the house, to get an idea. There's 3 rooms up the stairs, a lounge and a kitchen downstairs. Seems ok to me. Then Mummy opened the back door so I could christen my new garden.
I ran around and sniffed and peed on everything I could, but some smells would need to be watered again, to really put my mark on them.
The garden was mainly gravel and paving, with plenty of shrubs (and weeds) for me to wee over. Plus the old shed at the bottom of the garden was just right for me to cock my leg up on !
There was a tall fence on one side of the garden, and I definitely got a whiff of another dog on the other side. I learnt later that his name is Murdoch, he;s older than me, and keeps himself to himself. I hear him woofing crazily sometimes, but he doesn't really bother me much.
Anyway, I digress. On the other side of our garden was a sort of fence, that was high enough for me to walk right under. And on the other side . ..heaven !! A whole garden of grass . . and another shed to wee on ! Awesome. So, off I went expoloring (and weeing).
A lady came out of the house and said "Hello". I presumed she was talking to me, so I ran over to say "Hello back". I gave her my best moves, wagging, kissing and sitting up on my hind legs waving my paws at her (Mummy likes that move !).And it worked on her too, cos she shouted at "Dave" to come and meet the 'cute little dog' .. thats me ! A very tall man came out of the house and said "Hello" to me too. He also got some classic moves.
And that is how I met Aunty Sarah and Uncle Dave (AS & UD)! I treated them with a bit of respect . .. initially, as you have to pick your moments before you become King of the Household. I'll tell you about 'my' moment in Chapter 7 !!

We went back and forth between our old house and the new one for a few weeks, and Mummy and Daddy painted and decorated, and got lovely new carpets and settees for me to lie on. Then one day, they said that 'today was the day', and to say Goodbye to the old house for good. OK, Bye House.
And we moved to Bristol . . just like that. Easy.
The new house is nice and I love my (double)garden. I also love going for walks here, as there are loads of places to go, and loads of other dogs to eat .. . sorry, I meant meet !
I've come to know and tolerate Rio and Tilly. Rio lives in one of the houses behind us, and he is a little terrier too. He's ok I guess. Tilly is an elderly lady dog that we see when I take Mummy for a walk. Tilly doesn't bother me either, well she's old, so I cut her some slack.
Besides, there are plenty of other dogs that catch my attention far more ! So far there's a tiny young puppy that has been put in its place (well I tried to eat it, but Mummy stopped me), there's a trio of Yorkie's that I go paw to paw with now and then. There's a couple of big Labrador types that have learnt to show me some respect, and a Jack Russell that won't be quite so bold next time we meet.

Chapter 5 - New blood

We had a nice little routine. I took Mummy or Daddy for a walk twice a day, and in return they fed me sausages!  Everybody happy.
I'm a shaggy-haired terrier, and one of my  'things' is that I shake myself .. . . alot.  When someone comes into the house, I shake myself. After food, I shake myself. When I first wake up . . ..  well you get the picture.
One day, I just wasn't feeling quite right. . you know when nothing's really wrong, but . . . .. Anyway, Mummy came home on a Friday evening, and I rushed to say Hello. But when I went to shake, it hurt and made my head all woozy. Mummy noticed, and asked me what was wrong. I couldn't tell her.. . .. .cos I'm a dog remember !
I spent the evening curled up, just resting.
Well, the next morning, I tried again to shake Good Morning to Mummy, but just couldn't do it. So Mummy rolled me over onto my back and took a look at my belly. Good job she did. . . there were loads of purple-black bruises all over my belly.
Straight into the car and off to the vets with me. No messing with my Mummy when she is worried about me .. off we went. The lovely lady vet had a look into my ears and told Mummy there was a lot of blood, then she looked in my mouth and said my gums were pale. And then she looked at my belly, and told Mummy I needed to stay in overnight, as I appeared to have developed a serious problem with my 'platelets'. Now I now the word 'plate' (cos Mummy and Daddy let me eat whats left on theirs sometimes!!), but 'platelet' was a new one on me. Apparently the problem was with my blood, and nothing was clotting, which is why my ears were bleeding and the bruises on my belly were blood bruises. Mummy had to leave me with the vet, who said I needed a blood transfusion, and she would ring Mummy later.
Mummy looked very sad as she left, bless her, big softy. I was fine ! The nice lady vet took me to a room with a blanket in it, and told me she would be back a bit later.
The bit I didn't like, was later! Lady vet(no longer 'nice') shaved my leg and my neck which was awful, cos there was a horrid cat in one of the other rooms who laughed at me. Spiteful thing. Anyway, they poked something sharp into my leg, which made me a bit uncomfortable for a moment, and then I just went to sleep for a bit. When I woke up I felt sooooooooooo much better ! All pepped up and full of energy. I woofed at them to let them know, and they took the nasty spikey thing out of my leg. Then they said Mummy was on her way to get me. Yipppeeee I was going home.
When Mummy got there she cried (softy)and took me straight home and gave me a couple of sausages ! She coo'ed over me all evening. The nice lady vet said it could happen to me again, but then again maybe not. So Mummy has to roll me over now and again to check my belly . She says its to check for bruising, but its fine by me cos I get a big ol' fuss and my belly tickled ! hee hee hee.

Plasterers, rugby and food, food, food . ..

Well, after the drama last week of AS 'breaking' the lounge ceiling, I was hoping for an uneventful week. No such luck.
Firstly Mummy decides to 'freshen up' our lounge, which basically meant changing the colour of everything that wasn't pinned down. The curtains, the cushions, the rug . . all now scarlet red. She literally pulled the rug from underneath me ! And, I now have a brand new cushion in my bed too . . . red, to match the rest of the lounge ! Really !! I suppose I should think myself lucky that I haven't had a trip to the hairdressers to have a "Cheryl Cole" style makeover too.

So, halfway through the week and I was babysitting UD while AS was at work. This bloke called round. I barked, then just let him straight in. He started making loads of mess in the lounge, which actually seemed to make UD happy. Turns out he was actually re-plastering the ceiling to make it all look nice again. I stayed there all day, checking his work to make sure the plaster was smooth enough, and the coving went up ok. I helped alot.
There was a knock at the front door around lunchtime. I barked. UD answered the door, and it was Mummy ! Hello Mummy, oooooo you've brought food. Nice one. Macaroni cheese. One of my favourites (well its food, so its all a favourite !)

Once the blokey had left and I'd done a last check-over of his work (which seemed ok), I was able to have a nice little 8 hour sleep. Its very tiring work, being a gaffer.
I was round AS & UD's place on Friday evening, settled down on the sofa for a quiet night, when there was a knock on the front door. I barked. It was Mummy . .again.
With food . . again ! Mummy had nipped out for a takeout curry. Well done, and well trained Mummy.
I sat patiently and unobtrusively 2 inches away from AS whilst she ate her food, which seemed to work, because I (finally) got some chicken and korma sauce ! Result !!
Mummy said my butt was better on Saturday morning after a curry than after Key Lime Pie, which is good news for me for the next curry night.  Then she bathed me ..  boooooo.  She actually used Johnson's baby 'no more tears' shampoo ... . .  can't complain though, it smelt nice.  And its the lavender one, so just made me relaxed and ready for a snooze.

I was round AS & UD's house on Saturday afternoon .. .. just chillin' out, like you do. When there was a knock on the front door. I barked (are you getting a de ja vu feeling ??)
Anyway, it was Dave B ! I haven't seen him for aaaaaaaaages. Last time he came round our house (well, you know it feels like its my place too) I sat on his lap !
This time however, the rugby was on tv. Which means lots of loud hand clapping and shouting at the tv - and thats just AS.
I was just getting to the point where I didn't think I could put up with the noise for much longer, when AS dished up lunch. Awesomeness of fish chowder ! Yippee, I love fish, and as my bowl was as full as everyone elses, I dived straight in. Fantastic. Nice full belly, so sod the noise, I just curled up for a little sleep.
Next thing .. . Mummy arrived. Honestly, has she no home to go to !!

I took her for a quick walk (she seemed to need to go). Then it was back round to AS and UDs. They all had some beer, shouted at the people playing rugby, and generally made lots of noise. So I commandeered the armchair, shut my ears to them all, and had a little sleep.  Lovely.  I have no idea what they were talking about, but they seemed to think there was  a not-so-sweet smell coming from my butt !  Ha ha ha, Fish chowder appears to have had its revenge.  Well thats not my fault !
While AS, UD and Dave B all seemed to be experiencing syptoms as though tear gas had been let off in the room, me and Mummy were fine. I guess we're just used to it . . . .  . . .

Sunday saw Mummy working from home, which was lovely, cos I could pop round between the two houses and keep an eye on all of them.    Weirdly, AS and UD came round to ours for elevenses !  I gave them a lovely welcome, cos I do love to see them, and to have them round as my guests was a lovely change.

A theatre review . .

Mummy went to see Bad Girls the Musical with AS and UD on Friday. It was all UD's idea I believe. The critical review from Mummy went like this :

"Started with a bang. . well with semi-nudity which made the elderly man next to me physically "Whoop". Some good initial characters, then a funny hat-and-cane routine from two of the screws. Couple of sneaky white wines in the interval. Then 2nd half delivered far far more entertainment. AS and Mummy nearly wee'd themselves laughing at the 'Banged Up' number, which from the (very graphic) detail Mummy remembers, proved that the cast really did let their inhibitions run free. And then to top it all off, the "First lady of the night" routine made them cry laughing, and caused UD to wonder if they were about to fall off their chairs !! All round a bloody good evening out. And apparently, one of the cast members (with red hair) stood out in every scene and was totally fab".

Oh, by the way, just as a side note - me and key-lime pie don't mix. I thought we did, but my butt this morning says otherwise. I had 2 pretty nasty incidents, and Mummy dry-heaved . .twice ! And said it didn't even have the lovely lime fragrance you'd damn well expect !

Hey ho, I guess thats off the list!

AS had a mini-drama when she painted the lounge ceiling .. . and it all fell down! It seemed to make her a bit annoyed, but it looks ok to me. UD was a massive support. . . and wound her up ALL weekend !! ha ha ha. Oh, hold on . . AS is in the kitchen. Ahem . .. what I meant to say was "Bad UD, be nice to my lovely AS".
Whats that you say AS ? Sausage ?? ...... don't mind if I do xxx

Another day, another sausage

Not been having such a good time lately. Firstly, I was staying at AS & UD's place for the weekend, and I don't know what was wrong with me, but I just didn't feel quite right. My belly was a bit off and I didn't feel like eating much.
Now, for me to say that, then it must have been strange, cos I'll eat anything regardless of how I feel ! I don't know what started it, and before AS chips in . . . I do not believe that trying to eat that hedgehog caused my stomach ache ! Oh, you want the full story eh ? Well, AS and Mummy to AS (now known as AH)took me for a quick evening stroll, as you do. And I just got a very interesting whiff from a hedge as I walked past. Now, if I was human I might have taken a long look and investigated at some length. But no, I'm a dog ! So I dived into the hedge, head first, grabbed the nearest smelly thing, and jumped back out of the hedge. AS went nuts ! She shouted at me, and made me drop it. Well, to be honest, it bloody well hurt ! I've never eaten a hedgehog before, and I didn't think it was very tasty. It was all spiky and hurt my mouth. Don't know how you humans ate hedgehog crisps, hedgehogs are horrid. Anyway, back at AS and UD's they checked me over, cleaned the blood off me, and extracted several spines from my mouth and ears, which made me feel much better, and I soon forgot all about it. AS didn't. . . . she was NOT happy with me ! Whatever, I'll try to remember to do something cute and I'll soon be back in her good books. Yes, its that easy !

Secondly, Daddy left home again. I always know something is up, when I see that stupid big suitcase being packed with stuff. That's never a good sign.
So Daddy packed up all his clothes, and is off again. Mummy mumbled something about it just being me and her til after Christmas, but I don't really know how long that is, so I'll just wait for a few days, and I'm sure Daddy will be back soon. . . .

Things had just started to settle down into a bit of a routine, when AS and UD came and got me for the weekend again ! I'm quite happy with that, if Mummy can't be bothered to look after me, then its good to have AS and UD nearby. We had a nice weekend. UD went to the rugby on Sunday afternoon, I stayed home to keep an eye on AS, just in case she went near the fridge at all. Better than the fridge, she put some beef in the hot fridge ! yeah, glad I stayed home.
I had a bit of lunch with AS, then UD came home, then Mummy turned up too.
We were all having a nice evening, and then I don't know what came over me, but I barfed . . . . on the carpet !! I was soooooooo embarassed. I never barf . . . and never inside. Normally if I barf, its over in the corner of AS and UD's garden where no one sees.
Well AS and UD were really nice about it, and I even got a small bit of beef later . . not enough mind you. I bounced back though, and felt much much better the next day, so I popped back round to tap AS up for some more beef. It worked !

Mummy gave me yet another bath this week. Hateful bath, hateful water, hateful shampoo. I smell like a girl. But I love love love having my bum blow dried afterwards ! In a manly/dogly way of course.

I've put a new video on Youtube, and some new pics on Flickr this week, and I will try to update the next chapter of my autobidography very very soon.

Wow, it is goooood to be back

Excuse me if my typing is a little off, it has been ages since I got my paws on a keyboard.

Firstly, before I go any further, I need to take a moment to say Farewell to my cousin Rusty, who passed away this week age 13. Although we didn't know each other well (see Chapter 3 of my autobidography - Fight Club - for the main reason for that)I know that Rusty was highly regarded and much loved by his family. RIP Rusty.

So, where have I been for the last month you ask? Well, you should be asking !
Well .. . .. My Daddy came home !! It was so exciting to see him. I jumped straight into his lap and gave him loads of kisses(in a manly/dogly way of course). It was so great to have him home again. For a start the oven sprang to life . . which just doesn't happen when Mummy is home without him. Lots of lovely lovely smells floating round the kitchen, and a food bowl overflowing with yummy-meatiness. Welcome home Daddy !

Just as I was getting used to Daddy being home and the 2 of us going for a manly/dogly stroll twice a day, he was off again ! And just to confuse me even more, Mummy took me to my 4* hotel for a few days. It's full name is Latchett's Kennels, and its a lovely hotel. I have a decent sized room, central heated of course, with a comfy bed, and my own patch of patio to run in during the day. Then Ian and Judith take me for walks twice a day too. Fantastic place, can't recommend it highly enough. And the food is pretty damn good too.

Anyway, after just a couple of days there, Mummy and Daddy came to fetch me again. But just 48 hours later, I was off again ! Come on guys, make your minds up !!
Having only just been there, this time I felt like a 'regular', and I had a good look at the other hotel guests, checked them all out, barked a few orders in their directions. Some of their butts were familiar, but some were totally new. Its always fun to see a hotel newbie, as they are completely unsure what is happening and why they are there ! Very funny to watch. I know I should be more considerate (see Chapter 1), but hey, they need to toughen up and get used to the daily life quickly. Always a bit annoying to be in the same sleeping quarters as a whiner or a crier, but that's where being an old hand at this hotel mularkey helps. You can talk them through the tough times, and help the kids out. It doesn't bother me, I'm used to it.

One day Aunty Bev arrived and took me for a bath and haircut. Now, I always make a massive fuss at home when Mummy baths me, but thats really just for show ! I don't mind a bath really. With Mummy it normally gets me an extra sausage or something ! I guilt her into it, hee hee. But Aunty Bev is fine, she's lovely and always takes very good care of me. And, though I say it myself, I always look very handsome when she's finished !

I think I was there about 2 weeks,which is quite a long time, but enjoyable none the less. Then Ian came in with my lead and said that Mummy and Daddy were here ! Excellent news, I am ready to go home now.
I sat on Dad's lap all the way home, which is a treat. And we all had lots of fuss and cuddles together once we got to our house.
And as if being back home with Mummy and Daddy couldn't get any better, AS & UD were home too !! Awesome. I was straight round there for more fuss and cuddles. This is a great day ! My 4 favourite people all together.
We all had a lovely evening in AS & UD's house. The guys drank wine and chatted . . . . a lot ! To be honest, I was knackered. 2 weeks straight of barking orders and standing my ground, plus sleepless nights when a newbie cried. I was shattered. Just could not keep my eyes open. So I got UD to make some room on the settee, and just went to sleep!
Over the last couple of days I have pottered around the garden/house with Daddy during the day, taken him for a walk, popped round to make sure AS & UD are eating ok, checked the garden boundary to make sure everyone is safe. Is it any wonder that by 8pm I'm tucked up in my bed, fast asleep. I've heard Mummy laughing about my snoring, but I'm just too tired to care !
Once I've caught up on my sleep, I will be back to normal, don't you worry !!

I've noticed that Sindelfingen in Germany has been taking a look at my dogblog. Welkomen !

Chapter 4 . . . car rides

After the Fight Club waste of time, we settled into a nice little routine. I got to take them out on walks at least twice a day, and they kept me out of eating range of any other dog. Everybody happy !

Mummy and Daddy were still determined to get me used to going in the car for some reason, despite the fact that I continued to throw up within 20 minutes. The Dog Doctor gave me some pills which I had to take an hour before a car ride. They worked pretty well actually, I was able to go on a few trips. The only downside, which didn't bother me at all, was that 24 hours after taking the pills, my backside was pretty dangerous. Well, they want me in the car, they have to pay - one way or another !
We went in the car one day and after a while Mummy looked out the window and said "Look Jack, that's where Daddy met you for the first time and brought you home". I had a quick look, but we were driving fast on a big road and everything flew past too quickly. All I could see was some sort of building called "Services", but I couldn't read any more. Mummy said something to Daddy about that being the closest I would get to my 'old life'. All I know is that we ended up driving to a place called LLanelli in Wales, which according to my map is down the M4 past Cardiff, which rings a bell . . . . . .

Anyway, car rides became quite a regular thing and over the course of time I got much much better at them, and don't even need my pills anymore !
I like our car because I can see out of the windows really well, being slightly short (well, terrier short). I really like to breathe heavily on the windows, and rub my wet nose all over them. That makes a lovely mess on the window, and makes me laugh. At one time Daddy had a van for his work, and that was great fun. I loved to jump into the front seat and drive round with him in the van. Although the seats were quite slippy and Daddy had to catch me now and then if we went round a corner ! There's a picture on my slideshow of me sitting in the back of Daddy's van! Ready for work Daddy !!

Bathed again . .. plus Jack's travels x 3

Well, I had a bath on Thursday. To be honest, it was about time, because I was more stinky that my butt . .. . so really really stinky !
Now I smell like rose petals - which is better I guess, but not very manly (dogly).
Mummy keeps saying stuff about Daddy coming home, so despite myself, I really am starting to get a bit excited now !

I should point out for those that don't know, my Daddy is coming home, not coming out of prison or anything ! He works away for 6 months at a time (which feels like 3 and a half years to me ) in the Falkland Islands. That's a place that Mummy says is too far away from the UK for him to come back at weekends. So I guess its quite far. . . Geography isn't my strong point !

But talking of Geography and maps of the World,Jack's travels have moved on again. I'm now going to settle into the life of Bora Bora, which I gather is pretty much food and drink and relaxing - all of which sound pretty good to me !
I know its a place for honeymooners, so I hope any honeymooners have a really lovely time there.
Hmmmmmmm, I wonder where AS & UD are . . .. . not seen them for a while . .. . .

G'day Melbourne !!

Hope you enjoy the blog. Is it upside down when you look at it ?? I'm not very technical .. well I am a dog !

We had a powercut in the street on Sunday. Mummy was out at work all day, and then as soon as she'd come back and dealt with the important business of the day - namely my walk and my food - the power went off.
So we both sat in the garden and had a nice cuddle in the evening sun. Lovely !


Mummy keeps whispering to me something about 'Daddy at the weekend', which I refuse to get excited about. . . but if its true. . . My Daddy is coming home soon !!!! Yaaaaaaay. Woof woof, that's exciting news !

Chapter 3 . . . Fight Club !

The first rule of Fight Club . . . do not talk about Fight Club.
Why ? Because it embarasses Mummy and Daddy !
Ok, so here's the full story.

One day Daddy took me for a walk and decided to test my 'come back to Daddy' skills. So off went my lead . .. and off I shot across the field, like a little flying furball, straight into a pack of 3 other dogs, my teeth gnashing and their fur flying! Its what I do! I don't socalise with other dogs, never have, never will. My old owners were fine with that. Anyway, I bit one of the 'poor little pooch's' foot and got a right telling off from Daddy for it. I was in the Doghouse good and proper.
Next thing, they bundle me into the car and tell me I'm going to Doggy Classes. What the . . . ??? Doggy Classes? I don't know what they think they can teach me!
Anyway, in we go to this village hall. Oh . . My . . God ! Dogs . . . everywhere !
Dogs in the middle of the hall, fetching stuff and bringing stuff. Dogs to the side, sitting and generally being good. Dogs on the little stage area, sitting and being REALLY good. My eyes popped out of my head, I slapped my butt on the floor and just stared at them all . . stared really really hard. It was awesome.

A lady came over to Mummy and Daddy and I could hear some of what they were saying, things like "antisocial,blah blah, dreadful, blah blah, bites other dogs, blah blah, want him to be nice". Keep talking guys, I'm enjoying just sitting and staring.

The lady (I don't remember her name, but let's call her Mrs Woodhouse)asked Mummy and Daddy to sit on the stage area with me and just to let me watch the other dogs for a while. So we moved onto the stage area, which was full of Collies, all being good and quiet. Stupid Collies. I made a lunge for one of them, but it moved its nose just in time Grrrrr. So we sat for a while, and I stared at the bringing, and the fetching, and the sitting. Dog, these dogs are dull.
I heard Mummy and Daddy talking to Mrs W about how I was totally silent when other dogs were around, but that I was also foaming at the mouth like a wild, rabid hound. And these people are supposed to love me ? Get over it people, its what I do !
Then Mrs W said "thats ok for this week" and we went home ! What was that about ?

Following Wednesday, exactly the same. Into the hall, onto the stage. Sat and stared and foamed at the mouth. Made a couple of futile lunges at the stupid collies again, but nothing much.
3rd Wednesday, there I am sat on my throne, I mean, the stage, staring at the menial dogs doing their 'dog stuff' . . when all of a sudden a door opened and out poured loads of little puppies ! Dog, I was on my feet in an instance! I don't get many opportunities to chomp on a puppy, so I was determined to make the most of it. Stupid little puppies with their waggy tails and wet noses, being all 'cute and friendly'. Grrrr.
One little black labrador puppy jumped up so its front feet were on the stage. I think he was about to say "Hello", but he didn't get the chance to finish. I leapt forward in one silent bound, ready to grab and chow down on his cute and shiny little nose. Unfortunately, Daddy had a tighter hold of my lead than I realised, and yanked me backwards, just as I was about to get a grip of the little blighter. Not fair Daddy, that was my best chance. Yeah, run away puppy, I'm right behind you ! Stupid puppies. Mummy wiped the foam off my mouth, Mrs W said "oh dear" and we went home.

The very next week, things were a bit different. Mrs W seemed a bit tougher, as if she somehow hadn't believed Mummy and Daddy's stories. Hmm, I think she does now.
Anway, this time we walked down the side of the hall, inches away from the sitting, good dogs. I made a couple of sidways leaps, but Daddy wouldn't let me get a good run up at them.
At the back of hall Mrs W said she had 'some things to try'. The first thing she did was put a funny collar on me. Then some stupid Collies came running towards me ! This is my chance . . I lunged forward. Accchoooooo ! A great big puff of lemon stuff just made me sneeze. Never mind..... lunge. . . . Accchooo! Again with the lemon. Lunge . . Achooooo . . Lunge . . . Achooo.
Mrs W took the collar off and said "well that's not working".
5 minutes later, a stupid Collie came within lunging distance. I lunged . . and Mrs W grabbed me and locked me in a cupboard. Ok, can't say I was expecting that !
Never mind . I can wait. Door opens, out I come. Collie nearby .. lunge. . locked in cupboard. OK, I get it. Right let me out people.
Out of cupboard, Collie nearby, I lunge . . .. and then run and hide in the cupboard. I heard Mummy and Daddy laughing, then Mrs W saying "well that's not working". So we went home.

And that was Fight Club. We never went again ! I don't know why they took me in the first place . . I told you, they can't teach me anything !

International dog of mystery . .

well, not so mysterious really. It's all here for all to read ! But my little stories, or should I say my little tails (tails = tales .. see what I did there !!) are certainly criss-crossing the globe.

Big "Hello" to my reader in Andover, UK. My Mummy and Daddy lived there for a few months . .it was before I arrived, so unfortunately I've never been there.

And "Howdy" to the newcomer from Jacksonville, Florida.
I hope you enjoy reading a little slice of doggy life from the UK !

Another woof-out to my NZ posse . . now reading in Invercargill !! Getting about quite a bit in NZ ! I can't help but think that moving on elsewhere would be good. Bora Bora is nice this time of year so I hear. Maybe I'll have a look there and report back . . !!

Take care all x

My Autobidography .. Chapter 2. Finding my paws

So, here I am, finding my paws in my new life. New house, new Mummy, new Daddy, new country for goodness sake ! I've never been out of Wales before (at least I don't think I have ).
My new Mummy and Daddy (from hereon known as Mummy and Daddy) are so nice. Within just a couple of days I have a lovely new bed with fluffy cushion to sleep on. I made them put my bed at the foot of the stairs, so that no-one can sneak past me to get to the kitchen. Anyway, it doesn't matter because as soon as they go to bed, I just walk up the stairs and sleep on the floor right outside their bedroom door. That way in the middle of the night, they can't sneak past me to the bathroom either ! Win, win all round I think.
I have new (bigger!)food and water bowls (which are in the kitchen on a silly kitsch mat with pawprints on it !). And I have a new lead and collar, and some new toys . . . its all going so well. I think I'm going to like it here.

Wait, hang on a minute. Mummy keeps sniffing me (at the front end, not the proper end) and saying "Pooooooo, smelly". Huh, thats lovely. Just because you've taken me in, doesn't mean you can be rude.
There was no getting out of it. Mummy put me in the car and drove to a little shop, and then left. The lady did all sorts of dreadful things to me . . bathed me, blowdried my hair, cut my hair, gave me a pedicure. All sorts of dreadful things. All of which made Mummy go "aaaaaaah, our little man is gorgeous" when she came to get me ! Like I wasn't gorgeous enough with no bath, and straggly long matted hair all over my eyes.

Mummy keeps getting this little box thing out, pointing it at me and flashing a light in my eyes. Even when I'm all curled up in my bed, ready for a nice kip. FLASH ! FLASH! Usually followed by "aaaah, so cute". Really !

I have a lovely new garden to run round in, all grassy with lots of handy bushes to pee on. There's a lovely man and woman next door, called Bob and Doreen. Doreen's great, and keeps giving me biscuits over the garden fence. Nice lady !

My new collar and lead were obviously followed by walkies ! yippeeeee. Sometimes I take Mummy and Daddy round the streets for a bit, peeing all the way. (You have to mark your boundaries people) ! And then other times, I take them down the road to the grassy fields, and water the trees and bushes there.
Daddy seems really happy when I poop, cos he always says "Oh great", especially if I've stored it up for a while. I aim to please, Daddy !

Mummy and Daddy tried to put me in the car again for a little ride. I wasn't too happy at first . . dreadful memories of that long journey from Cardiff. I don't want to go through that again. I jumped into the back seat of the car, and sitting up straight I got a lovely view out of the window. I sat there, watching the world outside rushing past, eveything whooosing past, whooosing quickly . .. . . . uh oh, I feel sick. Thats the trouble - it upsets my tummy. We only went for a short drive the other day, and I threw up all over the back seat .. and the floor . . . twice. I don't think Mummy and Daddy were too pleased, but they were very nice about it. After all I can't help it. Its a really new experience for me, and I get all dizzy and stuff. Hopefully I'll get used to it . . . eventually.

Mummy and Daddy took me to see the Dog Doctor. He weighed me and told Daddy I was very overweight (cheeky), but also that I was a 'lovely little chap' (better).
He ran a little machine over my neck, and it went 'bleep', which seemed to please everyone . .. humans are weird ! Then he told Daddy to worm and de-flea me (again, cheek), and checked all my 'bits' were ok (double cheek !! I know I'm not the same as I was the day I was born, but I'm still very much a man-dog !).
Mummy and Daddy seemed happy with the visit, but I heard mutterings of 'a diet', whatever that is.

All in all, the first few weeks of my new life have been really good, and I think we're going to be a happy little family. Mummy and Daddy . . .I think I'll keep you !

Jack's travels . . . take 2 !!

So what has this week delivered ?? Well, for a start Mummy seems to be sticking to my diet. I mean of course that the amount of goodies I'm getting this week is stupidly low, not that Mummy has started eating tinned food to reduce the risk of urinary stones developing !
I'm being forced to eat all the biscuits in my food bowl, instead of having a lot of yummy sausages, fish or other human food. And she's been giving me a little spoonful of sticky medicine each morning, which she says is to help my poorly shoulder. I don't care what its for, its horrid! Then to top it off, she's started trying to make me eat a tablet each day too. Now she reckons that's full of doggy Glucosamine - again to help my poorly shoulder. Mummy said it was a yummy, chewable tablet ! Ha ! It might be a chewable tablet for other, less particular pooches, but there's no ruddy way I'm going to be chewing it. Not a chance, so there Mummy.
Hmmmm, why is Mummy breaking that tablet up over my food bowl ? Oh well, no matter. As long as she's not trying to force me to chew that horrid tablet, I'll just get on and eat my tea. Hmm, tastes different tonight. Hey ho . . . nom nom nom.

I've not been sitting by AS and UDs door this week, its just been raining too much ever time I've managed to get out of the back door. So I've just watered the shed, carried out a quick check of the boundary, and nipped straight back home again. Everything seems in order, so when the rain stops I'll try the back door again and see if AS and UD let me in.

I've been dreaming of New Zealand quite a lot this week, not sure why. I think it might be because I saw that someone was reading my blog in NZ, and its just made me dream. The dreams have been really vivid and feel very real.
I even dreamt I had some pictures taken : Jack's travels shows the pictures.

I have a feeling that NZ won't keep me for too long. I have a yearning to be in warmer climates . . somewhere Pacific sounds nice. . . ..

Oh, and I have to say Hi to my new reader in West Bromwich ! Thats where my Mummy was born, and my Grandad Keith is still a supporter of the Baggies. So, welcome West Brom reader !!

I know the next chapter of my autobidogrrrrraphy is overdue. Really, these writing deadlines are hard work ! I'll get on with it . . the travelling has taken up so much of my time recently !!

Dog doctor visit

Have tried sitting at AS & UD's back door again . . . still nothing. I've not given up, because I'm a dog and we guard . .its what we do.
But I will confess to only looking in through the window for 5 or 10 minutes at a time now, instead of howling and prowling on and off all day and all evening.
Partly because Mummy keeps standing their with a sad look on her face saying "Not today sweetie". But mainly because its pretty obvious, even to a little dog like me, that they just aren't there !
Patrols around the garden will continue with the usual regularity, and the shed and the washing line will be watered as normal !
I've noticed that I'm being read in Christchurch, New Zealand this week . . . . hmmmmmmm, I wonder who that is . . . . ?

Mummy took me to see the Dog Doctor today. She said it was about my poorly shoulder, as it has been playing up over the last few days (which may be directly related to lack of cocktail sausages). The Dog Doctor was a very nice lady - at first. And then she just started on me and Mummy.
First she said I had the onset of Arthritis, and gave Mummy a bottle of 'stuff' to give me. Next she said I had cataracts starting as my eyes were getting a bit blurry. Mummy explained that that is why when I see someone in the distance carrying a carrier bag, I go into 'stalking/attack mode' as I think its a dog !
I've often wondered why there are so many orange dogs called Sainsbury around my territory !
Anyway, I digress. .. . . . then the Dog Doctor weighed me !!!!! And her first comment was "oh, you've put on a bit". Nice , thanks love ! She told Mummy that I could do with losing 2kg !
And then, just to top it all off, she called me a 'geriatric' !!! OMG, what a bitch (and not in a good "lady dog" way !) Geriatric indeed. I felt like peeing all over her nice clean table.
But instead, what I did do while she was examining me, was to 'pretend' I was all excited . . . and got my 'lipstick' out ! Ha, that'll show her that I'm no geriatric. The Dog Doctor didn't seem to be impressed, but it made Mummy laugh anyway !

So, when we got home, Mummy gave me some of the horrid medicine, and because of the horrid Dog Doctor saying I was a porker, Mummy wouldn't let me wash the medicine down with a sausage ! Aaaaaand, she measured my lunch. This is not going well !
I can only hope she forgets about it all really soon, and starts throwing food my way again . .. . . literally !!

I'm so confused

During the last week, AS & UD have had a big suitcase in the spare bedroom, and they keep putting things into it. Things like shorts, flip flops, and suntan cream, I helped as much as I could, by sniffing every single item and being under their feet so they knew where I was.
And they keep talking about putting me in the case with them, and taking me with them, whatever that means.

They've been weird, spoiling me more than usual and giving me lots more hugs. Even Mummy keeps saying 'aaah, poor baby' ! No idea why. Humans ! I'll never understand them.
Then on Saturday, Mummy picked me up for one of her hugs, and took me outside, where AS & UD were putting the big case thing into a car. They both said "bye bye sweetie, see you in 5 weeks" and then drove off. Whatever. I'll see them later.

OK. . . so I've been sitting outside AS & UD's back door all ruddy evening. I've cried, I've scratched the door, I've whimpered, and I've even tried sitting there nonchalantly as if I've not really bothered. Nothing ! Not a thing.
Mummy keeps popping her head over the fence and saying "They aren't there, they're away". I don't understand. Why aren't they home. Where would they go without me ??

Mummy sat me down and had a really good chat with me. She kept saying "Blah blah blah, gone away. Blah blah blah, AS & UD holiday. Blah blah blah, Hong Kong".

I still don't know what she's talking about, blabbering on, crazy woman.
Anyway I'm not happy at all, so went to bed early. I didn't even bother with supper - which makes my point I think !

Sunday - ok lets try to have a better day today.
Mummy decided to take me to work with her today ! Wow, what a treat.
She packed my little bed, my bowls and some food and we drove to the office.
Mummy was on one of the computers the whole time, so I was able to use one of the others to update my blog ! You should see me at the computer on my slideshow !
Hee hee, I've never 'worked' in an office before !! Very exciting.

I'm interested in what Mummy said about Hong Kong, so I decided to look it up whilst she was working !
I think the pictures at Jack's travels show it off very nicely !

My Autobidography . . . .Chapter 1. Puppyhood

I thought it might be a good thing to run through my first 6 years, and jot down the highs and lows of a little dog's life.

Back in mid 1999 I was born in Cardiff somewhere, the exact details are sketchy. About 6 months later I found myself in the RSPCA kennels. I don't know why or how, or where all my family went. But I was really well looked after there, and had all my doggy jabs and even had a little microchip inserted under my skin. I think its a good chip, not some kind of government-spy chip or Terminator/RoboDog chip.

After a short while a lady and 2 men came to the kennels and said "we want him". They meant me !! I was off to a new home.
They were Mr & Mrs Clarke and their son. They were all lovely even though they were all elderly.
I had a lovely time living with them. They named me Jacky. And they fed me looooooooads of stuff, - doggy food sometimes, but lots of chocolate and puddings and cakes and stuff. Yummy. I suppose I did put on a bit of weight, because although I ate loads I didn't really go for walks. Anyway, life was nice and most days were pretty much the same.
Then about 5 or 5 1/2 years into our lives together, something happened and it all changed.
One day lots of people came to the house and it was really busy, next thing I know a man said "I'll look after him, but only for a very short time". I never saw Mr or Mrs Clarke or their son again. I did overhear someone say that they had all been ill and died within a very short time of each other, all from totally unrelated illnesses. A great shame, they were very lovely people.

Fairly soon afterwards, Mr & Mrs Clarke's other son, Mike, collected me from my foster home and put me in his car, saying "Come on Jacky, time for you to meet your new Mummy and Daddy". I didn't really understand what that meant, but I was happy to be in the car with Mike on a big adventure.
Mike met up with some bloke called Kevin and after I'd had a bit of fuss off him, he got me to jump into his car instead of Mike's and we drove away.
I cried the whole journey ! I had no idea what was happening to me. Everyone was gone, it was just me and Kevin. He seemed nice, and kept saying "I'm going to be your new Daddy, and your new Mummy can't wait to meet you". But I was sooooo upset I didn't care. I just cried and cried.
We ended up in a place called Bath, where Kevin took me into a new house. I was able to run around the house, sniffing everything and then he let me outside to run around a huge garden, which was amazing ! Kevin then fetched my bed, food and toys out of his car and put them in the house. Looks like I'll be staying for a little while then !
Later that day, the front door opened and a lady came in. Kevin said "Its Mummy". I ran to the door and said "Hello" to the lady, who knelt down on the floor and gave me loads of kisses and hugs. "We're your new Mummy and Daddy" she said, "And you are gorgeous !". Aaaah, the way to my heart. Well not really, the best way to my heart is food ! But fuss comes a close second.
The 3 of us sat together and played with some of my toys. Then we all had food together. And I got lots of fuss, and had lots of photos taken. When it was time to go to bed, I gave my new Mummy and Daddy big kisses, and gots loads back! Then I curled up in my bed at the bottom of the stairs. I was exhausted, it had been a very very busy day. I'd left Cardiff behind and was about to start the next chapter in my life - life with my Mummy and Daddy !

My autobiography . . .coming soon

I've decided that its about time that I told my side of the story, from my humble beginnings to present day. Its 11 years of roller coaster highs and lows, emotional and full of love.

Stay tuned . . . .

Welkom !

That was specifically for my Dutch readers ! Oh yeah, the Word of Dog is spreading around the globe !
I would also like to say a huge "Hello" to my new readers in Guernsey and Cardiff too.

Well, I'm happy to report that the stupid Siamese cat has kept its distance all week. I should think so too, cheeky thing. I only invite people/things I like, and I do not like cats !
One of the ruddy things was screeching outside this really early this morning. I woofed in a 'big dog' voice (which isn't easy to do if you're my size !), and Mummy shouted "Shut up" from upstairs. One of us seemed to scare the noisy thing away, and I'm going to claim it !

I think Mummy is threatening to bath me again. She keeps sniffing my face ! I don't even like other dogs sniffing my butt, so I can't say I'm best pleased about any bit of me being sniffed by a human.
It's raining today though, so I may get away with it (or without it, as the case may be) for a few more days. Plus I doubt Mummy will want to bath me anywhere near her precious 'new' bathroom, so it will have to wait until it stops raining and I can have another al fresco bath. I hate bathing. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before ? But I reeeeeally hate bathing. Just don't get what humans see in it.

With any luck I might get some decent grub at AS& UD's tonight, not that 'Veterinary special diet' muck that Mummy feeds me. Proper dog food, you know, steak, beef, mince, burgers, chicken, sausages, meaty bones, white fish, chocolate, biscuits, chocolate biscuits, ice-cream, rice pudding, yoghurt. Proper dog food !

Cats are evil . .

Firstly, welcome to my Teddington, Wokingham and London readers !

Bit of an uneventful week. But on the upside - no baths this week ! Phew.

I was very well behaved on Monday morning. As we left our house, one of the Wicked Witch's 2 Siamese things was sat on the wall, and I walked straight past it. Not even a 2nd glance at the nasty, evil, sneaky looking thing. Now I'm not a fan of any type of cat (except for Tigers, which are Mummy's favourite cats. I think their full name is "Leicester Tigers Rugby Football Club"), I mean, one cat is pretty much like anyother to me. Except for those Siamese ones. Bleeeeuuurrrgggggh ! Hateful.
Anyway, walked straight past it. Mummy said I was a Very Good Boy, and gave my backside a scratch. See, sometimes its worth being good.

Well, that all went out the window on Saturday morning. Mummy opened the front door to take me for my 'patrol round the local boundaries', and right outside my front door, there it was. Ruddy cheek ! Blatant crossing the line ! I was nice to it (or it might have been its twin, who knows) earlier in the week, and this is how it repays me. Well, no more Mr Nice Dog. I launched at it, and gave out one of my very best "hoooooooooooooooooooowwwl', and it fled with its stupid thin tail between its legs. If Mummy hadn't had a tight hold of my (unnecessary in my opinion) collar and lead (or 'restrictive head brace' )it could well have been breakfast ! Next time Siamesey-cat, next time.

'The plumber' seems to have finished whatever it is that they were doing in the bathroom. Mummy seemed happy enough. She kept singing to me about 'lovely new tiles', and 'lovely new shower', and . . well you get the drift. Crazy lady. I couldn't get so excited about where I did my ablutions. Thereagain, I do mine wherever and whenever the whim takes me ! AS & UD's garden shed is a favourite 'de-watering hole',and as for washing myself . .. anywhere is good for me ! Why stand on ceremony, just get down to it when the mood takes.

AS & UD didn't seem to be answering the door to me yesterday evening. I popped round the back around 7pm (teatime!) and stared through the door for a bit. I even gave a really cute whimper, but nothing. Mummy came and told me 'Not today'. Meanies. Oh well, Mummy's gone to work today so I can have all day with them today instead. Yeah !
Its just as well AS & UD don't have any holiday booked, cos I miss them enough after a few hours. Just imagine what I'd be like if they went away for a few days !!! I can rest easy that that isn't going to happen any time soon . . . .

Blog visitors

Wow, just checked my blog statistics (oh yes, I take this very seriously you know !!)and over the weekend I had 8 visits. 1 from, Manchester, 6 from Bristol (not surprisingly), and 1 from Pahrump in Nevada, USA.
I can now officially say that I'm an international blogger !! Yeah.

Got very excited on Saturday evening . . UD arrived home. I gave him the best welcome I could. I even tried to stop AS from saying Hello. He might be your hubby, but he's MY Uncle Dave. I wanted to have a fuss first! So I jumped up on the sofa next to him, and got my cuddle !

Mummy managed to get a sneaky bath ready again on Sunday morning, grrrrrrrrr.
At least I got to have a bath 'al fresco' ! And it was over pretty quickly, and then I get my favourite bit - the hairdrier ! Whooooooooooooosh, I love that, especially blow drying my butt ! hee hee

Sunday was a nice lazy day . . .until the early evening. Mummy gatecrashed AS & UD's again, and AS cooked beef !! oh yeah, beef !
And once all the hungry humans had devoured the food, just as I was beginning to despair of every being fed again . .. . AS comes out of the kitchen . .. with a beef bone all for me !
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwesome! I escaped onto the garden, and ate the whole thing, meat, fat and bone. Deeeeeeeeeeeeeelicious. I took a small piece back into the lounge with me,just so the humans could see how much I'd eaten.
I don't think AS was too impressed with that, hey ho.
Once I'd finished it all, I just wanted more. I tried sitting in front of AS, tipping my head to one side (normally failsafe)and whimpering. But for some reason, they all seemed to think I'd had enough ! Enough !!! Madness, I would have been happy to have loads more cow. Cow = yummy.

Mummy said I'd had enough, and was 'an embarrasment' - whatever that means, and she made me go home. Gutted, although I'll be straight back round as soon as possible on Monday to try my hand(paw) at getting a bit more cow. Nice one AS !

Soooooooooooooo tired today

Spent a lot of the day yesterday with AS, until I got unceremoniously dumped back home.  I tried to make me feelings clear by channeling my inner wolf and howling. Didn't work, AS still locked me in the house . . .. alone.

Anyway, I made the best of it, and had a little sleep. And then, literally in the middle of the night, Mummy came home and woke me up. Nice one Mum!
I said a quick 'Hello', and then we both went round to see AS - yeah !! Mr B was there too, and we had a great(play)fight ! I don't get to fight anymore. I need Daddy and UD back !
So after much fighting with Mr B, lots of fuss and cocktail sausages from AS, I just couldn't stay awake any longer. Don't they realise I'm soooooo much older than they are. So I just curled up in the corner out of the way and had a little kip. Mummy took me home then and I crawled into my own little bed . . . finally ! I woke Mummy up 5 hours later for my walkies, which I thoroughly enjoyed . . . not sure about Mummy, but thats not my problem.
Mummy's gone to work again, but I've got AS at my beck and call, so I'm fine.
And I hear UD is arriving back today too . . . yeah !! Hurry back UD, and fight with me !!

Healing paws . .

AS seems to have recovered now. Which I can only put down to my thoughtful nursing and nurturing. I can only hope that now she is well again, she gets herself off to Sainsburys and starts cooking up some treats !! Is that too shallow of me ??? HA ! I'm a dog, its all we think about. Well, that and how envious you humans must be that we can lick our own 'bits'.

Daddy rang Mummy late last night, and luckily for him I'd come home early, so was able to say Hello this time. He was telling Mummy that he was a taking a helicopter ride and was off to 'mount Alice'. Now that sounded quite interesting to me and I thought Mummy might be a bit annoyed. But Mummy explained that its a place in the Falklands called Mount Alice. Hmmm, not so interesting, so I went to sleep instead (after licking my bits one last time).

Mummy said she was going to be home late, because she is meeting AS and some others for food (yeah, doggy bag !!) as its Karan's birthday. I remember her from girls night in. She's nice, and fussed me loads - and fed me loads ! That makes her one of my favourites !

I think I'll make the most of an empty house, and have a bit of a sleep. Zzzzzzzzz night night.

Oh,before I sleep, thought I would share this with you all.
Such a funny show, makes Mummy, UD and AS laugh like crazy people (which of course they are !!)

The Big Bang Theory

Call me Florence

I've been trying to look after a poorly AS. She's got a bit of a bug, so I'm playing Florence Nightingale and helping her to get better.
Well, I hung around last night in the vain hope of a bit of food, but she really wasn't up to a visit to the fridge. Bless her.
So, I hung out with Mummy during the today while "the plumber" was upstairs again. Mummy cooked an amazing lasagne - I got some for my lunch. And then she cooked a Steak and Ale pie - I got some pieces of steak too. Nom nom nom. A good day.
Then Mummy and I popped round to see AS. Mummy was a wuss, and stayed downstairs, calling up to AS to see if she was ok. I just went up to see her. Really, whatever AS has,I can handle. And if I get it . . well, then its up to Mummy to take care of me.
Mummy then went to work, so I stayed to look after AS, so don't worry UD, she's in good paws.
Get well soon AS x

8 days later . . .

I know it should be 28 days, but I have to much to say to wait that long.
So . . . girls night in was nice. We (I count myself as an honourary girl - even without that big pink bow, thanks Mummy) had lots to drink - wine for most, water for me. We also had some lovely steak on the BBQ - the girls all had one each, and I had a bit of everyone's. I don't like to show any favouratism, so I shared myself out.
Then the girls all chatted and drank some more, but it got a bit past my bedtime, so I had a power-nap. Only until UD came home with Les, who also seemed nice.
Then we all had some grapes and cheese - just the cheese for me !
Wendy came home with us, which was weird, cos we actually went out of AS&UD's front door and into my front door. Don't do that often, its usually straight home under the fence for me and Mummy (me, cos it suits me, Mummy cos she is a short-arse and can't go OVER the fence).
Wendy left early, and all day Sunday me and Mummy chilled out with AS & UD, bit of nosh and bit of telly. Nice. I caught up with some beauty sleep.

Daddy skyped Mummy on Sunday evening. I made it home just in time to say Hi, but then went to bed for a proper sleep. He's ok, so Mummy said. He will be home in 6weeks, which I'm looking forward to loads. I miss my Daddy.

Mummy built a little plastic red and yellow car for some reason this week. When I tried to get in it, she kept saying it was "Maisie's 1st birthday present " - whoever that is. All I know, is that every now and again I kept hearing an amazing 'squeak', which sounded to me just like my toys. Well, like my toys do before I get hold of them and pull their legs off and the stuffing comes out of their bellies. (Its what they buy them for). Mummy laughed when I was looking round for the squeaky, and said it was the car's horn. I don't think it was funny. I think it was cruel. She knows how much I love my squeaky toys. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

On Wednesday, 3 blokes called "the plumber" turned up at the house. Mummy seemed to know them and let them in, so I didn't bother barking. They seemed ok, and I did watch them for a bit to make sure they were really ok. But all they were doing was ripping the old shower out and taking tiles off the walls. B-o-r-i-n-g.
So I went back downstairs and slept in the doorway between the lounge and the kitchen. Its a great spot for me normally, but I've made a mental note that blokes carrying toilets don't seem to like stepping over me. My house, my rules. I stayed there all day.

"The plumber" came back on Thursday. Mummy was in the kitchen all morning, baking and baking. Cake after cake. Strange human past-time that, baking. What's the point ? It takes ages to prepare and bake. And then you have to leave it for ages to cool down. Its far easier to get UD to light the BBQ, then 2 mins and - Steak on a plate !! Easy! Quick! Scrummy !!

Anyway, on Friday, I waited for Mummy to come home from work, but she seemed late. Then AS came and got me !!! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeee ! Sleepover at AS& UD's house !
Fantastic. I love stayovers at theirs. I know that I'm there loads anyway, but staying over is a great treat! I do have to suffer a couple of extra walks normally, but its worth it for the company (hee hee, food !).

UD left us on Sunday. He packed his bag and went. I was NOT expecting that! I pined . . . . but AS was still there so . . ..
AS said he'd gone away for a few days for work. Weird, I thought he worked down the road. What do I know, I'm just a dog. UD did make me promise to spy on AS and let him know what she got up to. Us boys do have to stick together, so my blog will be uptodate this week ! I've got your back UD.

Mummy got home around Sunday teatime. I popped home, said Hello, checked she hadn't got me any treats (she hadn't), and went back to look after AS.
A bit later AS told me to go home, shut the door and switched off all the lights. Charming ! I tried crying outside the door for a while, but Mummy heard me and made me go home. Holiday over !

"The plumber" was back again today, but I couldn't be arsed to even say Hi. I know what they're doing, so no need to keep an eye on them. I did get a ride in the car with Mummy, which was loads of fun, and I don't do that as often as I used to. We went for a spin and she got a bootload full of boxes of tiles, and then we went home again.
Mummy went out to work, the 'plumber' left, so I had a nice sleepy afternoon.
Have just woken up, updated my blog (got your back UD) and will now wait for AS who according to my plan of her schedule, should be back from work any minute. I'll give her a few minutes to get in, then start howling ! Well, if you don't ask, you don't get !! Laters !

My new blog home!

So here it is, my brand new blog! Facebook - well, Dogbook, let me down badly. I have too much wisdom to share with the world, so just don't have time to waste, waiting for them to sort their s**t out. Have plenty of that myself .... at least that is what Mummy says.
In case you missed my earlier musings - if so, where have you been? - I have listed them in my Archive. And for your viewing pleasure, because let's face it I'm gorgeous, I have added a photo slideshow. I'm not always photographed at my best, but that's mainly because Mummy likes to snap away at any time, even when I'm trying to get a bit of shut - eye. Honestly, Lady (Gaga, not the Disney dog), Victoria ("act Posh" Spice) Cheryl ( Cole/Tweedy )I know what its like, living with paparazzi! My mother is as bad as any of them.
I plan to woof (muse and rant) on here often - although will mainly be when I have the house to myself, and can use the laptop without Mummy checking on me. Hope to see you all as 'followers'. X

Damnit - she bathed me again

Its just not fair. The weather is hot, and I was all panty and tired after going for a walk. I nipped next door on Friday for a bit of shut-eye, and next minute . . she's calling me. "Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack". I know that voice. That voice does not mean "I love you" or "come here I have a treat for you". THAT voice means only one thing. B..A..T..H. Oh yeah, they think if they spell it out to each other, I don't know what they're saying. But I do !
Bath. Brrrrrrrrrrr, the very word makes me shiver. Like "vets" or "vegetables".
Then AS has to be all 'helpful', and lures me out of the house with cocktail sausages. Not quite a 'carrot and stick' approach, more 'meat based treats and ever-hungry dog'. But it worked, I'm embarrassed to say it, but it did.
Luckily Mummy was quite kind, and bathed me in the garden, by throwing water over me and unceremoniously shampooing and rinsing me off quickly. But it beats being forced to actually go in the bath. I hate that. I can cope with the 'garden-bath' . . just.

Mummy made up some blurb about looking and smelling lovely for the 'girls' on Saturday evening. I don't know if she remembers, butI don't care about girl-dogs. My doggy bits are long gone. (is it any wonder I have issues?).
Oh, hang on.. . . maybe she means the human-girls that are coming round for beer and BBQ !! Aaaah, that makes sense. Oh, that's ok then. I'm happy about that. I've learnt that I get much more fuss (read 'fuss' but mean 'food') if I smell nicely.
Women are sooooooooooo shallow.

I'm quite looking forward to Saturday now....... yeah,this might be good.

I'm liking my new blog

And if I'm happy that's the main thing. All I've had this week is interrupted sleep. I have no idea what Mummy's been spending on, but all week its just been delivery after delivery after delivery. And everyone wakes me up ! Grrrrr

Its been a bit of a sparse week really. Mummy, AS & UD have been on lates all ruddy week. I've had no company at all. Well, except for every morning (I pop next door to say 'Morning' first thing) before Mummy goes out, until early evening when she comes home and I can get next door to say 'Evening'.

Breaking news. . . I've heard a rumour that there's going to be a 'girl's night in' at AS's this weekend. That is awesome news ! Besides a good chance of some extra nosh, I bet you a kilo of dried sausages, that I will get some major fussin'. Never fails. New lady + cute dog = fuss-central. Bet ya!
I suppose Mummy will be there. I guess thats ok, so long as she doesn't tell embarrasing stories about when I was younger, or cramp my style.

I don't like this. AS is all over Nadal. Well she would be given half a chance. I feel left out and unloved.
Well, thats not strictly true, cos I can guarantee a cuddle with UD. A manly cuddle, of course. The way MEN cuddle.
DogBook has been annoying me. I'm having such a problem signing new friends up. I've had so many enquiries, but can't sign them up. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr My Twitter account - JackMuppetDog - is picking up some followers though. Good, good, follow me, follow me !!
Friday night was rubbish. Mummy gatecrashed my hideout - again. And no ruddy food. I managed to get to bark at the pizza delivery man . . which is always fun. But the pizza wasn't for me. No, it literally wasn't for me ! Why get pizza unless its meat feast ? Really, humans are odd.
Saturday was nice though. Mummy left me with AS & UD all day. I helped AS mow the lawn. I like helping. I like to get a good run up, and snap at the mower. Its funny, cos it makes AS shout loudly and shake her head ! I think they get worried incase I get too close, but they have to realise that I know what I'm doing ! hee hee, its such fun.
Then last night, I was sitting really really patiently outside AS & UD's back door, waiting really nicely for them to come and let me in. Next thing, Mummy pops her head round the fence, and says "they've gone out for the evening Jack. No one is home". For Goodness Sake! Why do they do that ? They should know the evening routine by now. They leave the door open, and I wander in and out whenever I feel like it, making sure to check the kitchen now and again in case anyone's dropped any good food. (that never happens, but i like to check). So I just had to sit on their patio all evening and keep an eye on the house for them. Well, it beats sitting inside with Mummy. Don't get me wrong, Mummy's ok. But what 11 year old wants to be with their Mum all the time ? Not me.
I kept watch until about 10pm, and then gave up and went to bed. I'm all for keeping guard, but I have limits.
Today is going ok, at least it was til Nadal got on the telly. I don't see it myself. He hasn't even got shiny hair and wet nose. Just don't see the attraction. Mummy's the same whenever David Beckham or Johnny Depp are on tv. I just don't get a look in.
Its been a bit low on red meat round here lately. I'm going to have to bring my A-game and start to look a bit cuter I think. I just can't be doing with 'salads' and 'noodles'. Steak, Beef, Chicken, Sausage. Thats what we want. Mummy . . . . . . . I'm hungry.

Sunday July 4th 2010

Sorry, its been 2 weeks since I last wrote. What has happened you ask. Well. Mummy came home from work on Wednesday at lunchtime, which was lovely. But then some woman turned up in a large van, threw me inside with no ceremony at all. Then she washed, dried and cut my lovely hair. I have NO hair left ! I guess its better in the heat and all that, but I just can't understand why I had to have a bath on Sunday, and then go through all that again within days. Just not fair. I wouldn't do it to Mummy, so I don't know why she did it to me. (I'm stamping my paws, but you can't see me). AS was really nice, and said I looked cute. She's right, I do. Anyway, on Saturday evening, Mummy was soooooooooo cruel to me. She forced me to wear an England top, because of some stupid game where they chase a ball round the field. I can do that. And I'm a Welsh dog, so its just cruel of her to make me wear their jersey. Daddy will be furious when he finds out. Luckily I kept tripping up on the jersey when I walked, so Mummy took it off me. Phew, back to normal. AS & UD cooked BBQ again . . . whoooohooo. Mummy gatecrashed . . again. But so did "Bushy" and "Sean the American". They were nice enough, and didn't eat toooooo much of the food. They were there to moan at the telly when the England players seemed to forget what they were there for. I can sooooo chase a ball round better than them. They were rubbish. AS kept a lovely piece of quality rib-eye steak just for me. I love her. I ate it all up really quickly. Then I went to sleep. When I woke up its was Sunday, so we went home and I went to sleep. Mummy went to work again. The rest of the week was pretty normal, nothing special. . . . no special food anyway. On Friday I was sitting outside AS & UD's back door - for ages. Mummy came and got, and told me they weren't there. That they were away for a few days. Not Fair! I have a whole weekend just with Mummy. Boooooooooring. Anyway, next thing I know, UD is back ! Hurrah. Mummy was wrong. UD is there to fuss me and give me a bolt hole to escape to. Don't get me wrong, Mummy is a good Mummy. But I don't want to spend all my time with her. So I'll make the most of having a boy's weekend - just me and UD. Shame Daddy can't be here too. AS is away though. Mummy says its a 'school renunion' whatever that means. I wonder if its like me going back to the puppy pound in Cardiff. Urrrgh, I wouldn't like that. Why would AS go back to that for a weekend ? Humans are weird. I don't think I'll ever understand them. Why can't they be more simple . . . like dogs. Food, sleep, food, walk, food, sleep, food, fuss, food,sleep. Simple. Mummy went shopping today and bought bags and bags of things. I don't care about the other 99 bags, but 1 bag had my treats in it ! Yeah. She bought me a huge box of dried sausages - my favourite. And some of my biscuit treats - my favourite. And some bog-standard biscuits - my . . . . . . . well, you get the idea. She also bought me some new food bowls. They are raised off the floor, so that I don't have to bend down to get to my food and water. They're a bit weird, but Mummy says that they will be better for me, cos my front leg is playing up and giving me jip. They bowls should help, we'll see. Mummy has told me that Aunty Gayle and Uncle Scott are coming down next Saturday to see me. And see Mummy. I like them, and haven't seen them for ages, so that will be lovely. Well I hope AS has a lovely time - whatever she's doing. I miss her and hope she comes back soon. UD is awesome, but AS goes to the fridge more often. The little things are very important !

Saturday, 19 June 2010 at 18:06

Blimey, its been hot ! My tongue has been dragging on the floor for days now, especially after I've been on 'patrol' round the garden and shed. This fur coat of mine might make me irrisitable to humans, but its blinking warm in summer ! And I'm not getting any younger. . . so Mummy keeps reminding me ! I can't help it, when its time for my walkies, I get excited !! I'm a dog, its what I do. I helped UD with a BBQ last night, I was very helpful. I kept really really close to him and AS, and let them know I was right there, on their heels. Didn't work, nobody dropped any food. Gutted. Never mind, I will continue trying whenever there is the slightest possibility of free grub ! I've set myself up with a Twitter account now too, so I can whizz one-liners at ya ! See me tweet , er, woof, at twitter.com/JackMuppetDog Stupid name I know, but TheCutestDog, JacktheAwesome, and JackO'Shea were all taken !! And its what Mummy always calls me too. Talking of which, she bathed me. . .. again !! It seems to happen more and more often these days ! I must admit it was quite nice and cooling. And I never miss the opportunity to get my fur blowed dried !! I love it ! I get all fluffed up, and then go straight round to AS & UD - it usually gets me added fuss and food !! Winner every time !! hee hee. Right then, off to patrol the boundary again. You can't be too careful, even with a 6 foot brick wall between us and the footpath. I'm ever watchful, so cats, do not try anything ! Woof at ya all xxx

Sunday, 06 June 2010 at 16:13

Well, its official. Daddy seems to have gone again. Everytime I hear a car in our road I look at Mummy hopefully, but she shakes her head and says "not today, another 12 weeks"! I don't really understand the 12 weeks part, but I know its never Daddy. Weather has settled down a bit, I can cope with this ! Don't know what happened yesterday though. One minute I was sat outside Aunty Sarah's and Uncle Dave's back door ( I knew they weren't in, but I was keeping guard, just in case), the next minute - Whoosh ! It tipped it down. I legged it back inside Mummy's and shook all the nasty rain off in the lounge. Don't think Mummy was too impressed with that, but it worked for me. Mummy shut the door, so I had no choice but to stay in with her for the rest of the evening - borrrrrrrrring ! I'm sure Mummy said that AS & UD were 'getting a drenching at the rugby', whatever that meant. Serves them right for going out without me. That'll teach them to stay home and feed me, I mean, fuss me. Mummy says she's going to be working every day for the next 2 weeks, so I hope AS & UD don't want to go out again for a while, cos I'm going to want some company and food, errrr, fuss. Mummy's booked me in for a haircut in a couple of weeks, which is ok, cos my hairdresser Bev is lovely, and thinks I'm (and I quote) "A lovely little dog" ! HA !! Another one in the palm of my paw ! It's so easy, especially the female ones - I guess its not right to call the human ones 'bitches', but that's what they are. Yawn, well I've been awake for 90 minutes, so off to get some shut eye. I need a lot of beauty sleep to look this good !

Thursday, 27 May 2010 at 10:32

It's been a really busy couple of weeks. Daddy came home again for a few days, which was lovely, and then went again,then came back again !! Make your mind up Daddy ! Mummy was working, but then Aunty Sarah and Uncle Dave looked after me again last weekend, which I enjoyed. This weekend its been crazy. Whenever I go next door, Mummy & Daddy come too. And when I stay home, Aunty Sarah & Uncle Dave come to my house. And just when I want a fuss, all ruddy 4 of them go out together !! What's going on?? Messes with my little doggy head ! I don't know which house is which any more. And I'm only get one lot of food, which is rubbish. It's too hot for me today ! I even slept on the tiled kitchen floor, cos that was the coolest place in the house ! But I still feel that I should be guarding the boundary, so I've had a walk up and down the garden, but it's just too ruddy hot. So if that stupid cat wants to get into the garden, I'd say today's it's best chance, cos I don't think I can be bothered to chase it off !!

Sunday, 23 May 2010 at 11:52

Well, yesterday was an unusual day! For some reason I wasn't allowed to see Aunty Sarah all day. I did get to see Uncle David - briefly, but he wouldn't let me jump up on him. I think Mummy said he was going away for a few days, and Aunty Sarah was getting the house ready for 'girls night in'. Whatever that meant. Then all of a sudden, Mummy tied a big pink ribbon round my neck, to show I was an honourary girl, and we went next door to see Aunty Sarah. 2 other ladies were there too and they seemed to like my bow! Aunty Sarah took pictures of me, I did my 'cute' pose, which always goes down well! They talked ever so much. And drank lots too. Somethings called Mar-grrrrrrrrrrrrr-itas, Champagne Cocktails, and then the usual - wine. They talked more and more and more. I was ever so patient, but was starting to think that I wasn't getting any treats at all, but then all of a sudden . . . Yeah !! Aunty Sarah's lasagne. It was yummy, and I ate it all up, and my bowl was shiny clean. After that, they kept talking and drinking, and I found a really lovely spot on the settee, and had a nice sleep. I wish they'd kept the noise down, but I can sleep on a chicken's lip if need be, so I managed to get some shut-eye ! Then one lady started to fall asleep sitting up, so Mummy called it a night, and we went home. Girls night in was fun, I got lots of fuss, and I got lasagne. Hopefully Aunty Sarah won't embarass me by showing those pictures of me in a pink bow !

Sunday, 09 May 2010 at 08:06

It's been such a busy week. I ate an amazing lamb bone last Sunday, it was gorgeous. Unfortunately since Tuesday I've been having a few tummy problems, and wasn't quite making it to the loo (well the park down the road). Mummy was very patient with me, and although she made me have a bath (yuk), she didn't shout at me at all. Although there are now parts of the house that smell very much like Dettol . Then Mummy disappeared, and Aunty Sarah and Uncle Dave took my bed into their house ! What's going on I thought. This is unusual. But then I realised I hadn't seen Mummy for a few hours. Aunty Sarah said that Mummy was on holiday and I wouldn't see her for a couple of days. I will miss her. Hey ho, lets try and make the most of this situation. I will try to look cute and get as much fuss and food (not necessarily in that order) as I can while she's away ! It normally works, and with Mummy out of the picture, should work even more !! There was no chance in hell that I was sleeping downstairs on Saturday night ! I want to know exactly whats going on at all times, so I decided to sleep on the bedroom floor. Much better chance of tripping someone up halfway through the night, and easier to wake them up nice and early in the morning. Sunday was lovely, although the food wasn't up to its normal standard. I heard Aunty Sarah saying something about my bum still not being right, but it smells fine to me. Anyway, I was shattered on Sunday evening, and just couldn't be arsed to walk upstairs to bed, so I slept in my basket downstairs. But I still managed an early morning wakeup call, hee hee hee. Mummy got home about an hour ago, it was lovely to see her, so I gave her loads of smiles and kisses. Then she opened the back door for me, so I went back to see what was happening with Aunty Sarah and Uncle Dave. I think they were a bit surprised to see me back so soon, but they seemed ok with it, so I'll hang round here a bit longer. They are brill with me, and I love hanging out with them. Plus there doesn't seem to be anything interesting for tea at our house anyway. I've just heard Mummy talking about Daddy coming home later this week, and he'll be home for 3 weeks !! Yeah, that sounds fab, I can't wait to see him again ! I'm looking forward to cuddles, and hopefully some of his yummy cooking (Mum is rubbish).

Monday, 03 May 2010 at 18:09

Jack

I'm having a lovely time. Mummy seems to be home much more in the daylight than she used to be. And she's been spending lots of time with me at my other house, she seems to be there on Friday or Saturday evenings mostly, and she and Aunty Sarah drink a lot of something called 'Sovinyaaaah Blonk'. Uncle Dave and I stay clear, especially as the evening wears on, and the 'Blonk' goes down more quickly. I don't know if Uncle Dave understands what they talk about, I certainly can't. Every now and then, I think I hear Daddy talking to me. Mummy talks to her laptop screen, then points it at me, and it sounds like Daddy. Mad eh, like that could happen. I hope to see him soon, I miss him. I love the sunny mornings. Mummy says I keep waking her up too early, even on the days when she doesn't need to go to work ! I'm a dog, how am I supposed to know what time it is. Huh, parents, what can you do eh !!

Wednesday, 21 April 2010 at 18:41

Jack

Daddy came home . . . for a while, but he hasn't been back again now for days. I loved seeing him, we cuddled on the settee all day (both fast asleep) while Mummy went to work. I ate loads of crackers, and Daddy played 'fighting' with me, it was loads of fun. But then one day he packed a big bag, Mummy cried, and I haven't seen Daddy again. I listed for him all the time by the door, but when I do, Mummy says " not today", so I give up after a while. I try to spend as much time as possible with Aunty Sarah and Uncle Dave next door, cos they spoil me loads ! And I get to sleep on their settee now too, ever since my operation. Mummy says I was very brave, and she and Aunty Sarah spoilt me rotten. I had 12 stitches in my belly, but I'm not going to let them know that it doesn't hurt anymore, cos they might stop giving me treats ! Ha

Saturday, 06 February 2010 at 17:18

My Daddy hasn't been home for ages. I wait by the door for him every night, but he never turns up. I've heard Mummy mention "working away", "Falkland Islands", "back in December", but I don't know what she means. Anyway, I get too cuddle Mummy more often, but I miss my play fighting with Daddy. Hopefully he'll be home soon