My Autobidography .. Chapter 2. Finding my paws

So, here I am, finding my paws in my new life. New house, new Mummy, new Daddy, new country for goodness sake ! I've never been out of Wales before (at least I don't think I have ).
My new Mummy and Daddy (from hereon known as Mummy and Daddy) are so nice. Within just a couple of days I have a lovely new bed with fluffy cushion to sleep on. I made them put my bed at the foot of the stairs, so that no-one can sneak past me to get to the kitchen. Anyway, it doesn't matter because as soon as they go to bed, I just walk up the stairs and sleep on the floor right outside their bedroom door. That way in the middle of the night, they can't sneak past me to the bathroom either ! Win, win all round I think.
I have new (bigger!)food and water bowls (which are in the kitchen on a silly kitsch mat with pawprints on it !). And I have a new lead and collar, and some new toys . . . its all going so well. I think I'm going to like it here.

Wait, hang on a minute. Mummy keeps sniffing me (at the front end, not the proper end) and saying "Pooooooo, smelly". Huh, thats lovely. Just because you've taken me in, doesn't mean you can be rude.
There was no getting out of it. Mummy put me in the car and drove to a little shop, and then left. The lady did all sorts of dreadful things to me . . bathed me, blowdried my hair, cut my hair, gave me a pedicure. All sorts of dreadful things. All of which made Mummy go "aaaaaaah, our little man is gorgeous" when she came to get me ! Like I wasn't gorgeous enough with no bath, and straggly long matted hair all over my eyes.

Mummy keeps getting this little box thing out, pointing it at me and flashing a light in my eyes. Even when I'm all curled up in my bed, ready for a nice kip. FLASH ! FLASH! Usually followed by "aaaah, so cute". Really !

I have a lovely new garden to run round in, all grassy with lots of handy bushes to pee on. There's a lovely man and woman next door, called Bob and Doreen. Doreen's great, and keeps giving me biscuits over the garden fence. Nice lady !

My new collar and lead were obviously followed by walkies ! yippeeeee. Sometimes I take Mummy and Daddy round the streets for a bit, peeing all the way. (You have to mark your boundaries people) ! And then other times, I take them down the road to the grassy fields, and water the trees and bushes there.
Daddy seems really happy when I poop, cos he always says "Oh great", especially if I've stored it up for a while. I aim to please, Daddy !

Mummy and Daddy tried to put me in the car again for a little ride. I wasn't too happy at first . . dreadful memories of that long journey from Cardiff. I don't want to go through that again. I jumped into the back seat of the car, and sitting up straight I got a lovely view out of the window. I sat there, watching the world outside rushing past, eveything whooosing past, whooosing quickly . .. . . . uh oh, I feel sick. Thats the trouble - it upsets my tummy. We only went for a short drive the other day, and I threw up all over the back seat .. and the floor . . . twice. I don't think Mummy and Daddy were too pleased, but they were very nice about it. After all I can't help it. Its a really new experience for me, and I get all dizzy and stuff. Hopefully I'll get used to it . . . eventually.

Mummy and Daddy took me to see the Dog Doctor. He weighed me and told Daddy I was very overweight (cheeky), but also that I was a 'lovely little chap' (better).
He ran a little machine over my neck, and it went 'bleep', which seemed to please everyone . .. humans are weird ! Then he told Daddy to worm and de-flea me (again, cheek), and checked all my 'bits' were ok (double cheek !! I know I'm not the same as I was the day I was born, but I'm still very much a man-dog !).
Mummy and Daddy seemed happy with the visit, but I heard mutterings of 'a diet', whatever that is.

All in all, the first few weeks of my new life have been really good, and I think we're going to be a happy little family. Mummy and Daddy . . .I think I'll keep you !