All shaved..... again

Well Mummy took me to the Dog Dr again on Monday this week.  I was really happy to go, because I always get treated really well there. And whatever happens, normally means I get extra fuss at AS & UD's later too.
Normally I arrive and get treated straight away  - preferential treatment for being so damn cute I say!
This time however, they seemed to be busier, and I seemed to spend a very long time waiting around. Eventually a lovely nurse came to get me for my 'treatment'.  Still not entirely sure what that means.
Before I knew it, they were only shaving my left arm..... why the left arm ? The fluff on my right arm is still patchy from the last time I was here.... Anyway, next the horrible bit that makes me wince... the needle.  And then.... zzzzzzzzzzz
I woke up later and my belly didn't half hurt.  What have they done ?  Well, for a start...... they shaved all my belly-fluff off .....again!  Everytime I start to grow some decent belly-fluff... off to the Dog Dr, and off comes the fluff.
I was feeling really sleepy and my head was spinning a bit, so I had another little sleep until the nurse woke me to say Mummy was here to take me home.  Yippeeee.  I was out of there quicker than you could say "sausages".   Mummy made a huge fuss of me (I should ruddy think so, she made me go) and I had a lovely supper of chicken and boiled rice.  Was still feeling woozy, but managed to make it round to AS & UD's for a bit more sympathy !  The sausage treats were a bit thin on the ground, but my belly wasn't feeling great, so I reckon I can wait ....
I have 2 puncture holes in my belly which have horrible stitches in them, and they were really sore all night.  I barely slept - I only had 9 hours.  Taking Mummy for a walk in the morning was a pretty slow affair.  I was walking very slowly. Even cocking my leg for a pee was painful.  Stupid belly.  I managed to catch a bit more sleep through the day though, especially when Mummy went to work.
AS opened the back door early evening (caught me by surprise a bit there AS !!), and I was feeling so much better by then, that I was able to give her a bit of fuss, then high-tail it to UD.... fully expecting to be greeted with sympathy sausages.  Yeah, it worked.  Sausages ........  I should think so, after what I've been through. Mummy came home later. I said "Hi", but decided to stay at AS & UD's for bit longer.. (more sausages).
Today I'm feeling better again, although my belly is still sore and swollen.  Mummy has posted a couple of pictures on my Twitter (@JackMuppetDog) and Flickr accounts - thanks a lot Mum !

Haircuts and trauma

So over the last couple of weeks I have had visits from Mummy and Daddy F, and Mummy Helen. They came to AS & UD's house, but I know that I'm the main attraction !
Mummy F is always a soft touch, but this time Daddy F was too, which was fab. I've finally worn him down to realising that I'm not just any dog...... !
Mummy Helen is a soft touch too, so there's always double sausage treats when she comes to visit... long may that continue.

I had my hair done recently at a lovely hairdresser place. They were very friendly and spoilt me rotten. Plus the cut and blow dry was brilliant. I looked like a gorgeous, soft ball of fluff and smelt like a bouquet of roses. I know that may not be what every tough, dog-about-town wants to look and smell like, but for me it is the best thing, because it makes Mummy and AS go "aaaaaahhhhhhhh" and feed me lots of treats. This haircut was even better and made UD react the same way. Result ! I'll be going back there again.

Mummy has told me that I have to visit the Dog Doctor again soon. My liver is playing up (apparently) and so is my poorly arthritic leg (I ruddy know about that).
So I have to have a liver biopsy (I have no idea what that is, but it doesn't sound like a barrel of laughs) and I have to have yet another arthritis injection.
So long as this biopsy-thing doesn't involve any needles, I'll allow them to jab me with the arthritis thing, as I already know that it helps me to go for longer walks.

Last night Mummy and UD went out for a beer (!) and AS stayed home, poorly. I was going to nurse her, take care of her and cheer her up with cuddles and kisses.... but I forgot. Instead, I ended up being the casualty and AS looked after me! I was on a routine-patrol round the boundaries, as I could hear some cars outside which required my full investigation to ensure everything was safe and secure. I did a couple of laps around the AS & UD's garden shed, which is the best way of securing the garden and keeping undesirables out, then I decided that I should check the front door too. Without a moment's hesitation or thought for my own safety (thinking only of making sure AS was safe in the house) I belted towards the lounge to dart athletically through the patio door. Bam! Bash! Wallop! Crash! WTF ?
The ruddy doors were shut ! I'd run straight into the closed door! I swear I saw stars and tiny cartoon birds flying round my head. Blimey that hurt.
AS rushed over to me and checked me over very carefully to make sure I was ok (I wasn't) and to see if I was bleeding (I wasn't). No paracetamol though...... (poorly head AS ......)
Anyway, I managed to persuade her that if I ate a couple of sausages I wouldn't throw up, which made me feel a bit better, but not much. My head was pounding, and to be honest I was feeling more than a little embarrassed. Its not really the most macho thing to do is it ? Run headfirst into a closed door. So partly to ease my pain, and partly to ease my shame, I spent the rest of the evening camped by AS's front door and didn't move til Mummy and UD came home.
AS told Mummy about my traumatic accident. And Mummy laughed.... nice !
But they'd brought Yo-Yo burgers home with them so I managed to wangle a bit of chicken burger, a bit of Angus beef burger and a bit of Wagu burger !! Not a bad way to end the evening. I must admit that I was ready for my bed at that point, and slept the headache off nicely. Still feeling a bit off-kilter today, but I think I may be able to manage some sausages......... Yoo-hoo, AS.... UD...are you up ?

Take That mania

Mummy's gone crazy. I know it was only a matter of time, but she really is mad.
Some bunch of blokes called Take That who sing a bit, are 'on tour' whatever that means, and Mummy had a ticket to see them. She jumped up and down a lot, and 'whoop whooped'. When she said that she was going to Cardiff to see them, I thought she'd take me along to revisit my hometown. But no. Apparently I wouldn't enjoy Cardiff on Take That show night. Really? Selfish.
So, AS & UD were drafted in to look after me for the day while Mummy sloped off, whooping and bouncing about like Tigger on acid.
She's got the 'hots' (shudder) for Gary, and says that his designer stubble and racing-snake-like physique makes him look better than ever before. If you ask me, the guy could stand to eat a few cocktail sausages, and his 'designer stubble' looks like the bum-fluff that's growing back on my belly since my last operation. Now that's a 'look'!
So having put up with "Progressed" in the cd player every day, I was expecting her to get back from the gig, having bounced it all out of her system. But no! Instead, what does she do ? She only goes and gets more ruddy tickets !! This time for Wembley! Seriously, the woman's gone mad.
AND.............get this !!!!!!! She only goes and ropes AS into the ruddy thing too. So now, not only am I getting Take That cds and dvds playing on a loop several times every day at home, whenever I escape to the 'relative' normality of next door, AS is blasting the cd in the kitchen or playing the Circus tour dvd in the lounge. There really is NO escape from these guys. I know all the words to the latest cd, and these days when I dream, I'm rowing one of those boats during "The Flood", or stomping round in riot gear to "Kidz" or becoming a mutant whilst belting out "Love Love" . Daddy come back and save me from this crazy.

So, off they go, Mummy and AS, to Wembley, Mummy wearing a hugely age-inappropriate TT t-shirt (in my opinion). I stayed home with UD and waved them off with them literally shaking from excitment, and UD and I settled down to a (now very rare) Take That-free day. We watched a bit of telly and had a snooze, then had some food and a snooze. Then I took UD for a walk, and we came back and had a little snooze. Next thing Mummy & AS get home, STILL bouncing like fools and singing Love Love. Mummy was besides herself with excitement as expected and babbled on and on about the concert, how wonderful it (Gary) was, how well they (Gary) sang, how great they (he) looked, etc etc etc. Seriously Mummy, STOP. But the biggest surprise was AS! She seemed to have really really enjoyed the whole thing, and (to my and UD's dismay) may just have become a Take That fan! Dog help us! Now there really is no escape.
And just when you think its all over, Mummy Gwynneth & Daddy Malcolm come to stay, and Mummy decides that they can get MORE tickets to the last show of the tour!
AS was totally on board with this crazy decision. But luckily, when it came to actually getting the tickets, Mummy and AS decided that they needed to be satisfied with 1 (or Mummy's case 2) Progress Live experience, and they didn't buy the tickets.
Unfortunately, to compensate for 'missing out' on the last night of the UK tour, Mummy is now playing the cds and dvds on an ever-increasing loop. Every ruddy day, Take That. I'd like to shut Gary Barlow up with a cocktail sausage in his 'bumfluff' covered mouth ! Give me a bit of peace to have a proper (Take That free) snooze ! Then again, the songs are growing on me, and I wouldn't really want to waste a good snorker. So, I think I'll just let Mummy carry on with her Take That fetish, and I'll just need to have a little Patience.............

OK! I'm back by popular demand....

Well AS & UD's demand which is good enough for me. Just like Take That I'm going to wow my adoring fans with a spectacular comeback...... Actually, I'm really just going to fill you in with the last few weeks of sausage-snorting, boundary-patrolling and dog-naps, but I thought I'd try to 'big it up' a bit (man I'm so street).

Well lets go back to Easter time, which is when Mummy fills the house with chocolate eggs, and for some strange reason thinks that I'll eat a Dogggy-Choccy-egg - not a ruddy chance by the way! Chocolate without cocoa, milk and sugar is NOT chocolate !
Anyway, Easter time. Daddy disappeared again and Mummy decided that she was going to stop buying, cooking, eating or sharing (with me) anything even remotely nice to eat. She says she's 'on a diet', but I think she's just being selfish. All of a sudden there's no scraps of 'spare' meat, there's no choccy biscuits, there's no ruddy anythig, but DOG FOOD! What's all that about ? Madness.
So, in my usual supportive fashion, I decided to de-camp to AS & UD's instead...... they're only blinking on the diet too! Come on people, a dog cannot live on dog food alone ! (to paraphrase someone who said something similar sometime).
Aaah, but unlike Mummy, AS & UD apprecaite that dog food is not a balanced dog-diet, and have maintained a decent stash of cocktail sausages just for me.
Well, they are just for me most of the time, except when Mummy Helen comes to stay. then I have to share them, grrrrr).

So, with all this dieting-mullarkey going on, I've lost a bit of weight too. Not that I needed it. I think I was looking pretty damn cute before. But apparantly, Mummy likes my weight loss, because now she can pick me up more easily for one of those soppy cuddles she likes so much. (note to self.... eat more food)